Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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