I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
