Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
