hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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