I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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