dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
