from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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