so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
