I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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