Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize