i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
