I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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