dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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