I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
