as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We need to get me chipped asap
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