I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
