So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
