dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
