Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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