he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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