Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
