Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
