I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
