don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
