Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
