You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
