I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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