Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
