a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
