never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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