Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
