there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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