i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
