I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
