I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
