I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
