cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
