Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
