I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
that is very illegal...i love you.
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