JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
