she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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