I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
