Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
