Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
