He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
