you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You should frame my arrest warrant.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
