Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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