My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize