i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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