I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
