Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
