I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
