threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
