Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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