after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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