Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
