Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
