Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
