god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
