its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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