I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
