we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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