But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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