I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
