I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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