When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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