i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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