Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
