the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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