I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize